Exam Fever

EXAM FEVER

EXAM- The short form of Examination.

The dictionary meaning of this word is ‘test of knowledge or ability’. Knowledge and Ability. WOW! Such wonderful words to be used na. Well I feel this exam (or examination, whatever you call it) is not less than a Horror movie’s title. Going for an exam in like going for a horror movie and sitting in the ‘EXAM HALL’ for 3 long hours which seems like the longest and never ending hours of life…! Those hours are the most crucial, depressing, annoying, horrifying, sleepy and even at times funny hours of life.

For preparing for those few hours, we give our so many precious hours of life which can be utilized in like so many much more better and productive ways you see…! But still we have to spend that much of time so that at least in those horrifying few hours we keep ourselves busy in writing at least something. (That something consists of writhing Roll no., exam name, centre name, date, signing on answer sheet and question paper, etc.) Hush! If I sit and count of those horrifying hours of my life, I’ll surely go in depression. Because during those hours only ‘Great’ students like me can understand what mental trauma we go with. And yes! Still we are surviving (BRAVO!!!).

I’ve always loved to be the back bencher in the class. But my ‘good luck’ was so wonderful that because of my height ( I know, a very touchy topic for me…!!! :P ) I was always made to sit in the first row or at the max second. And all my lectures were ruined (I’m serious okay!). That good luck was carried to the ‘Horror movie hall’ too. My roll number being last, I always was getting the front bench to sit (what crap…!).

Time spent was always wonderful till only ‘answer sheets’ were there in our hands. The moment question papers entered the scene; heart rate reached its maximum without any aerobic training!!! (Lol! I love Cardio!!).  Eyes never wanted to be open to see the questions, but kya kare, ‘ Insaan ki aankhen tabhi band hoti hai jab wo sota hai…ya phir humeshaa ke liye sota hai…!!!’ (Filmy …very filmy) Eyes once open, either stay open in surprise (2 options- all questions known; which is very rare or most of the questions unknown, or like shayad pata hai). You know I so wanted to have a photo during that time and I hate the notices like ‘Photography Prohibited’!

Then time comes when we look at the scholars (so called) of the class and what we see is that they are turning pages…! Arey not of question papers, of answer sheets because they’ve already done that much of writing! And then we get the BOOST (Boost is the secret of my energy!!!) and start writing. But you know what; people like us are very thoughtful people. We think so much before writing. Not because we’ve to select what to write, but because we’ve to actually think and retrieve what to write… (He he he!) Scholars keep on writing and writing and writing….and we, keep on thinking and thinking and thinking…!!!! This is the time when even a lay person in the ‘Horror movie hall’ can identify that who’s actually a scholar and who ‘seems to be’ a scholar (like us!). Because most of the ‘seem to be scholar’ are good at extra curricular activities like sharpening pencil, changing pen, turning question paper, adjusting desk and benches, looking at the watch, drinking water and the best is staring at the wall…lol! (I know I should not write about passing supplements and peeping at others papers as it does not fall into my principles!)

The best way to kill time there is to write in the answer paper because when you actually know everything, the time flows like wind. But that ‘so rare’ phenomenon happens with us only when the last hour of the time starts. Somehow it suddenly happens that we are able to recall all the answers in the last hour when it is almost impossible to write all of it. The thinking process and even the writing speed, it becomes like faster than Chacha chaudhari (Chacha Chaudhari ka dimag computer se bhi tez hai!!!).

And finally warning bell rings!!! And a loud voice strikes our ear ‘ tie your supplements’,’ scratch the unused pages’,’ check your names, roll numbers…bla bla bla….’ !!! I feel like AREY KOI DYNAPLAST LEKAR AAO RE!!! Great minds when at work should not be disturbed!!! But no! Howzzat possible, they will actually come to us and ask ten times, ‘ check kiya kya?’ (Arey yaar baksh do…abhi toh likhna shuru kiya hai, abhi kya check karu???). And the count down begins….10, 9, 8, 7,….and suddenly…STOP WRITING!!!!

The thought process still continues in our heads…Really…? That’s it…? But I’m still not done…. Same story again…? But ma’am we got the papers 10 minutes late so how can we give it now…? Ma’am please just 2 min more (jaise aur time milta toh world top kar lete…!!!)

When we look around the ‘Horror movie hall’, mixed expression faces are more then happy faces. Because most of them don’t know how was their paper? Then the dialogues like this are heard, “ yaar questions to bahut easy the par answers bahut tough!” Lol! Few ‘Girls’ starts crying,” mera 2 mark ka wrong ho gaya!” Crap! I feel like hitting them on faces….Arey hum garibon ko dekho yaar, we’re always so satisfied. Someone comes to me and asks me (Big mistake u see…!!!) “Wango, paper kaisa gaya…???” my best answer is, “woh mein kya batau yaar… who to result hi batayega na…” he he he….I know…that’s  me….!!!  I’m always happy that finally it’s done!

But guys keeping jokes apart, this is the thing which almost every time happens to most of us in the ‘Exam hall’. But still we do not try to make it in a right way. May be we intentionally do it to face the same ‘Thrill’ of exam again. Most of us survive these cyclones, few of us don’t…. but still they stand. I’ll say that they stand perfectly because they know what is falling down…

Great men say, ‘Failure is the path towards success…’ that does not mean all of us should take it. But failure makes the sweet fruit of success sweeter…which all of us want to taste…..every time…!!!

So guys…study well and do not sleep or do extra curricular activities during the exams….even I’ll try to avoid those….;)

Chalo abhi BACK TO STUDIES janeka…!!!

All the best to all my exam going friends (wish me too!!!) and those who are not, keep praying for us…!!!

Keep chilling!!!

(Note: This blog was written during my study leave when I was getting bore studying in library…believe me…it happens …he he he!!!)

The Immortal Death

The Immortal Death

Writing has always been a way to reveal myself .That’s why I keep on writing things... But today I'm writing because I want to really understand one thing... and that is Death. I know people have so many schools of thoughts for explaining it. They say it as an end of journey. Some say it is a beginning of a new life. Few wants it so that they are relieved with the material pains and some are scared of it as it will take them away from this world. Their loved ones, or may be just the worldly happiness. But still the question remains unanswered. Moreover what does a person feels like when he/she is dying... I know the fact that such question can never be answered.

I don’t know why but today there are so many questions which are arising in front of me. Does soul really exist...? Or is it mere faith of us that it is there? And if exist then why can't we see it or feel it? Why it does not remember its previous life history? Well these questions were asked to me by one of my friend who made my mind wonder over it. Should we really believe in d books which give us all things about soul and previous life things...?

I believe in God. May be more than what I believe in myself and strongly feel that He's there always with me. Looking after me and taking care of me. But believing in God and believing in such theories does it really link? I seriously have no idea. Somehow we believe in few things just blindly. Without even giving it a second thought.

May be you'll think what happened to me suddenly that I am writing and putting all these questions. I'm like always happy and smiling person and not really the one who thinks so much over things. But today something made me think over it. It was one of my patient’s death. She expired may be just few minutes before I entered the IRCU. Her name was Saibina (name changed). A dark complexioned female who was hefty physically. Like almost three to four people would be needed to lift her body. She was admitted in IRCU on Monday. Yes... On Monday only... I remember I and Jeenam were there in ICU when on Monday she got bad was exacerbating badly. After that she was intubated. We never had to give her chest Physiotherapy as she was never referred to us. But still her death made a difference to me. This was the third death I saw in IRCU since last 10 days. Leelabai (name changed) was the first to leave us. She was really a cute patient. I can never forget the way she talked to us and put her hands on our heads blessing us. I was really attached to her. May be few relations can never be understood. They are without any name. It is more than just a doctor and patient relationship.

One fine day when I entered the IRCU laughing on a joke. I saw Leelabai ... This time wrapped in white cloth...! Hard luck was like I could not even see her face once.

Then it was Nanaji (name changed) patient. I saw him d very first day. He was smiling and was doing all the exercises told by me very religiously. But even he developed complications and expired. His body was out before I was in IRCU when he expired. But for Saibina, I saw her lying on the bed when she was with ventilator till she was calmly sleeping in the white cloth. I could not take my eyes away from her. I was constantly just doing my work with a blank mind. Thinking what next, where is she actually gone? To God… really? If not...then where exactly...? What would have been her last thought which came to her mind? Was it that she wants to live more for her family, or she actually wanted to get rid of that painful condition she was in...? So many questions are still unanswered. Her body was as calm and quite as may be she was never. Her daughter came and saw her. Did she really not listen to her cry? Was she in such a deep sleep that she could not even get up at her child's cry? She was so silent... so still... Her eyes were closed as if they were never open...

I was just in my own world of thoughts and I saw Ameya. He came near her and even he was still. What was in his mind? Was he even the same state of mind as I was? Just blank... without any thoughts.

I've seen so many deaths before when I was posted in other ICUs. But somehow I never felt like this before. In Gastro ICU it was my liver transplant patient and then Splenectomy patient whom I've seen taking his last breath in front of me. I was depressed for them also. In fact they were young boys. Still to see this world… and before they could see anything, they were out of this world.

Being a doctor I know I should not be so much into such things. Because whatever happens, the show must go on. Misery is that we can't even drop a tear for our patient, because there are other patients to be seen and taken care of. People think we don't have feelings. The patient is lying critical in front and we're having our food there. We're still asking their relatives to fill the forms and do all formalities. We do have feelings... We actually feel sad when any of our patients do not survive... But what are we suppose to do then? Today when I was looking at the dead patient, but I was still working. I don't know what made me so strong today that I was all normal. Was it experience? But then why did I still feel bad when her daughter cried. I have no answer... May be because of this I'm writing today... My best way to express myself...!

Questions are unanswered... Thoughts still there... But still if there is a soul of Saibina... I pray to God to let it rest it peace...

(Note: Names of the patient’s changed on the request of a friend. This blog was written long time back. But could not post it at the same time. Thanks for reading it.)

Pallavi's World

                                                                     My Friends

I think this is my first blog. Actually I've written a lot many things here before but I've never thought of publishing it. Not even shown it to anyone. Don't know why... May be I think I have different impression on people that I'm a kinda person who never thinks a lot. Or am like a let it go type of a person. Moreover when I write, I write what comes to my mind first... Don't think over different words to impress people... (Coz I can’t, poor at vocabulary na… he he). But when I read people's blogs, I feel even those might be their first thoughts. So why I should not try and publish what I feel. Even I'm good (might not be excellent).

So when I’ve already decided to write and show people my thoughts, first thing came to mind was, what I should write about? My Family, profession or my friends...? May be I’ll better go with my friends first... So this gonna be really long, like my friend list... He he... But is it true that I’ve too many friends? Or it’s just like to say “ I've so many friends”.  And if I have so many friends, then why am I alone many a times...? May be I have loads of friends, but very few to whom I vomit out my secrets...

Amin n Namma metro (Namita), there is no need to laugh over it... And Amit... Please... I'm a big girl now... Not that 3 ^rd standard Pallavi with two chotis... He he... Now Ruju n Sudhu you both doesn’t need to be angry if I don't mention your names... I even can't forget to mention about Biplab, Khushbooo, Bharti, Amruta n Ketaki... N ya Kaustubh... Even u belongs to that list of people who've highly irritated me being my friend n actually bearing me for so many years...!!! I think Shikha should get a Noble Prize for being with me for almost 24 years.

 Yes...! These are the most precious gems of my life... Who've been there not only in my joys, but also in my (whatever) sorrows.

Life would have been so difficult without them. On every step they've held my hand n made me walk along with them (not literally ok!!!). I know I’m a very practical person (just to say???). But still I’m sensitive at my heart... And these are the ones who know me... Truly!

 Sometimes I feel that I owe my life to them (after my parents of course). They've made me laugh even when I was about to cry. Make my own identity in this world especially as 'Wango' (thanks for that...grrr...). When I use go on my hostel terrace I was accompanied by them so that I don't cry in alone. Well… at times I wanted to be alone but great minds use to think I’m depressed so better not to leave this girl alone (even if I was not!). When I was not well they've made me eat food with their own hands. I never felt that Mom was not around. Coming and seeing me everyday and make fun of me calling ‘half dead’. Having fun rides on bikes, where I’m screeching them n yelling on them that they don't know how to drive (I’m actually a good driver ok!). Kissing my head when I’m crying. Holding my hands before the exams to relieve my anxiety… Calling me dancing dazzle and not dancing with me thinking that they can't dance with a great dancer like me (great thinking na!). Clicking my photos without getting exhausted (J). Listening to all the gossips and crap patiently which I say even if it is not related to them. Most important handling me with all my stupid crushes, remembering them and giving me apt information about all of them.

Phew!!!

 The list is actually unending… But may be this way I can say them thanks in my own way (Filmy???). Without you all my life would have been really dry (No double meanings please!!!).

Love You Loads!!!!!!!!

So my dear friends…bye for now.

Take care and see you soon... J